All Roads Lead Back to You

Who is God? Is He a he, or a she? Is He pure love, energy, our protector, our teacher? Is He the “Universe,” or all of the above? In grade school I learned that He is the Alpha, the Omega, no beginning no end. Infinity. Perhaps everything that happens to us in life comes full circle for a reason. The good times, the bad times. The victories, the failures, and oh the losses. Perhaps they all lead back to the One who wants only the best for us. Our experiences mold us into who we are and the roads we take.

How can we not see Him in everything around us? Even the sun, when someone takes fixed position photographs of it, taken at the same time of day over a year, results in the infinity symbol! A coincidence? I doubt it.

Sometimes life is scary. We are afraid of new roads so we cling tight to the old roads and the familiarity of them. We hold on with a death grip even when we know there isn’t an ounce of joy left walking that path any longer. We become like robots, listening to what we are told to do. Wear this, don’t wear that. Deadlines and unwanted commitments. More and more is piled on our plates and shoved down our throats. Yet, we grab our fork each day and shove another bite down. We stay in that “comfort” zone because it pays the bills, meanwhile our soul is snuffed out. Happiness eludes us while we stay on the rat wheel, then next thing you know your body will remind you of the torment you’ve put it through for so long. It shows up as illnesses, anxiety, depression, a lack of joy. We don’t have time for the things that really matter and the enemy laughs at us, saying “keep on walking this path, you sucker!”

Until. Until you’ve had enough. Until you say no to the constant demands and yes to you. Yes to your soul. Yes to those little things that have been put on hold for so long. You find a way. You find multiple ways to make it happen and not according to the way other’s think you should. It is not all in our own strength. Sometimes we have to look up and around us at all the signs and people in our lives that love us to know that we are not alone in anything we do. Hard to believe at times, I know. I have felt so overwhelmingly alone many times. But the road keeps bending me, molding me. Keep walking forward I tell myself. The rearview mirror is just that. I only look back to remind myself of the lessons life forced on me.

We have the power to create anything we want. Our definition of the good life might not match anyone else’s, but you will know when it starts to happen. You will embrace each day. Even if you worry about the details of the “how’s,” try to focus on right now, today as much as possible. We are all just walking on the road to infinity any ways….back into the arms that created that sunshine and created us.

Cancer: It didn’t define me, it refined me.

This is something that is very difficult for me to share. We have lost loved one’s to cancer and the pain of that is very fresh. Not everyone get’s through it with a happy ending. It is not a trivial thing to be writing about. It is not a trivial thing to go through as the patient, nor to the family and friends.

I was fortunate enough that I didn’t have to go through chemo, but I did have biopsies, two surgeries, and radiation every day for 6 long weeks.

I went through a lot of different emotions. At first shock and numbness. “What did I do to deserve this? Haven’t I tried to be a good person?” Then I think the reality of, my God, my life may not be as long as I thought it would be. Anger, anger that I had to do this and then anger at myself for feeling so selfish when obviously there were other people sitting in that waiting room waiting for their treatment, that were obviously way worse off than I.

Then came a calmness that I can’t describe. Almost an acceptance and a knowing that my Creator was with me and no matter the outcome, it would be ok. That is the only thing that got me through. Every day I would work a stressful job, then leave to go get my treatment, go home, go to bed and start all over again. Thank God Mike helped me in the evenings to take care of whatever needed to be done.

Sometimes a tear would run down my cheek as they would administer the beams of radiation. A tear for the fear I was pushing away, a tear for the gratefulness I felt to have my children, a tear for my first love, that was back in my life. A tear for the memory of my grandparents and my great Uncle Subby who I missed up in heaven. A tear for all the times I had been unwilling to forgive my mom for her absence in my life. A tear for the things I haven’t accomplished yet. A tear for bravery that I knew I needed.

A vision would come to me every time I laid there for my treatment. It was a knowing that Jesus had his hand on my right shoulder, protecting me, healing me. It’s not something I’ve shared much, but it happened and I will always remember it.

Life has changed for me since then. Maybe I have changed too. I am a good employee but my family will always mean more. I like a clean house, but the time I spend in it with my family, means more. Being right feels good, but letting go of that need, feels better. I am no longer in a hurry with most things. I just leave earlier, the calmness means more. The television and it’s negative media no longer feed my thoughts but music that makes me happy does. The smell of the air on a crisp fall day fills me with memories of taking walks with my grandpa down 8th street in Omaha. Shallow conversations bore me, but tell me about your life and I soak it all in. Tell me a story about love and you have my full attention. In those things, I realize that is where God lives, and that is where I want to be. Refined and full of love, no matter what the outcome may be for me.

Meet the Authors Night

Hello!  Just wanted to let everyone know that Vintner’s Hill Wine Bar in Mint Hill is hosting a Meet the Author’s evening tomorrow night, July 2nd from 7-9pm.  Each author will have an opportunity to read a small portion of their book and do some signings.

Vintner’s is my very favorite little place in Mint Hill, not only for wine, but for coffee and vanilla latte’s as well!  Would love to see you there.


This entry was posted on July 1, 2019. 3 Comments

As it Appears

There were times when I used to scroll through facebook posts and have twinges of “I wish that was me” syndrome. Beautiful vacations spent admiring sunsets and fancy dinners with ocean views. Families wrapped in happiness at every turn. As time goes on I’ve realized that not everything is as it appears. My syndrome was cured almost overnight when some of these realizations came to light.

That happy blissful marriage…not happy at all.

Those vacations taken..while important bills back home were left unpaid.

Those pics of nights out, drinking with friends…loneliness prevailed within their hearts when the party ended. Even in a crowd one can be a lonely soul.

Why does it matter so much how many “likes” we have or how many “followers?” Have we lost sight of the things that really matter in our brief lives?

In contrast I’ve also seen posts that are absolutely authentic. Families that truly do love spending time with each other. The love is real and tangeable. I see hugs, kisses and everyone reaching out to help one another.

Grandma, can I help you with that?

Hey, I noticed that your door was broken so I fixed it.

A young adults car broke down on the way to a family reuinion and the whole family had a corn hole tournament and at the end, unexpectedly gave all the money raised to him to fix the car.

Love in action gives me the most inspiration. I no longer have the I wish it was me syndrome because I’m surrounded by love in action every day. Not on the screen of my cell phone but all around me. I just have to look up to see as it appears.


Dori Grassau

Dreams are important. They’re messages from God. When you ignore them or resist them or are kept from pursuing them, you are cut to the core of your being…Glenn Beck

I have often thought that we have dreams and desires in our hearts for a reason. They are what we constantly think about or wish we could do or be.

If our dreams are messages from God, then maybe we need to believe that if we take even the smallest of steps to make those dreams and desires happen He will guide us each step of the way.

How will we know when He is guiding us though? Awareness. Awareness of what is happening around us and the people or circumstances He puts in front of us. The longer I live, I have come to believe that there are no coincidences

With open eyes….Keep dreaming and be aware. He might…

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She Just Wants..

I came across an old binder with my writings from  2006 and read this writing exercise that Maureen Ryan Griffin gave as a prompt in class.  I thought wow, everything I wanted back then, I still want now and some have actually come to fruition…(not sure if I make “elaborate Italian meals” nor can I  say with certainty that my family “adores me” though. I must have been in a humorous mood when I wrote this.

She just wants peace and no more strife in this unsettling world.  She just wants no more craziness and constant disappointment.  She wants sleeping-in mornings with coffee and crunchy almond biscotti dipped in hot liquid brown.  She wants warm fuzzy slippers and flannel pajamas that hide the imperfect shape.  She wants the television off, quiet relaxing music and pretty paper and pens.  She wants to cook elaborate Italian meals for her family so they will adore her.  She wants to drink wine and sit under the stars with her husband in comfortable silence.  She wants to take her passion and be used as God’s instrument to help others.  She wants to take her story and do something good with it, allowing God not to change her story, but to redeem it.

Looking for Redbirds finally a reality!

Well I did it! As of right now my book is on and is available to order on my site here on my “Purchase Looking for Redbirds” page. In addition, Spark Publications will be posting an interview/feature about the book on their site. I am so excited about that! They have been awesome in this whole journey. Check it out at:

If you would like to get a signed book from me directly and you live here in Charlotte, just let me know and I will get one to you in person.

*If you search on Amazon be sure to put in “Looking for Redbirds Dori Grassau” if you put redbirds in as 2 words, it will not find it. 🙂

This entry was posted on August 1, 2018. 5 Comments

Be Still and Know

In a few weeks I will turn 50. There is something about that number. The realization that more than half of my life may be over is somewhat daunting. It makes you take a look at what you’ve done with all that time that seems to have slipped away from you in a blink of an eye. Have I made my life count? Have I loved enough? Have I forgiven enough? You look back and see your life like a movie, because in a sense, it is. It had a start, struggles, victories and long last, love. I am the author of this book and I have control over more than I think sometimes.

At one of my lowest points, filled with worry, my friend gently reminded me that I was disconnected from source. It was her way of saying that I was carrying the weight of the world and was full of worry instead of trusting in God. I had taken my eyes off of Him and thought I could do things on my own, and in the process, seemed to have made a mess of things while thinking the whole time that I was doing what was best. That phrase “you’re disconnected from source” seemed to snap me out of my pride and fear instantly. Whatever the world wants to call it: energy, source, God, Budah, the law of attraction, the Holy Spirit; it’s all the same to me. I recognize it and feel it everywhere.

The last few years I have really trained myself to be a lot more calm internally and to be still and just know that things have a way of working out. a knowing that deep within me resides the one who created me and everything internal and external holds clue’s as to what I need to do…or not do.

For my 50th I’ve decided to get this tatoo of the hummingbird as a symbol and a reminder that I carry within me every strength I need to get through anything. It reminds me that through a cancer diagnosis, and treatment, that God was right there with me. Through the surgeries and the many times I layed on that table and took radiation with a tear rolling down my cheek I could feel a hand on my right shoulder calming me. “Just be still Dori, don’t’ll get through this.” Every time I walked in that place anger would rise up in me. I didn’t want to make small talk. I didn’t want to see the other patients that were in way worse condition than me. All I wanted to know was why? Why me?

“Lord as I close my eyes and the technicians go behind that glass to protect themselves, I know you are here protecting me no matter what the results.” So many emotions during that time that have gone unsaid because I just knew I needed to be strong and that my body would follow my mind. That is what I believe, so I did what I had to do.

I look back and I am calm, peaceful. I had a wonderful man who bent over backwards to make sure I was rested and cared for who has sinse become my husband and one of my greatest treasures. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to have another birthday when so many have not. The experience has changed me in many ways but most of all it has refined me and for that I am thankful.

Be still and know.

This entry was posted on June 30, 2018. 1 Comment

Those Three Words

What does it mean when a man says I love you? Maybe it depends on the person saying it?

Sometimes those three words mean absolutely nothing when not backed by the actions that convey them. Sometime those words are used to manipulate some one just to hang on a little longer to give a little more time to figure out what you want to do. Maybe you think you love them, but when the rubber hits the road, you are 1000 miles away in your heart from her. You are always looking in the review mirror, leaving her in a cloud of dust. Focused on your own face in that mirror and how important you are. Consumed by what is best for you and how you might be inconvenienced by her being around. She is just a rough road to unwanted pressures and commitments.

However, have you thought that maybe right around the corner as you leave your “loved one” behind, there is someone else waiting to jump into your place? Someone who see’s the beauty inside of her. Leaving their desert for the green pasture that you just couldn’t see when it was in front of you. The life that had seemed so hard to you, but with some effort could have grown into something so beautiful if you had just gave it all of your attention no matter how difficult and self sacrificing it seemed. Love is not supposed to be selfish, it is supposed to be self-less. Selflessness sounds so negative, but what treasure could you really have when you make someone feel like they matter?

Once someone told me “I’m all in.” I had to ask again what he said because I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly. “I’m all in!” Those three words meant so much more than “I love you” ever did. I’m all in conveys it all. Not only did he mean it, but he shows it every single day. He takes care of us like he is all in, he talks to me, listens to me like he is all in. In return all I hear in my heart is “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He makes me feel safer than I’ve ever felt. Not just by words but his actions, his energy and motivation. It’s not all consuming, selfish love that is smothering. It’s inclusive to his whole family, his children, my children and his friends.

My husband is all in for making up for past mistakes

He’s all in for creating the life he always wished for regardless of what others might think

He’s all in for finding every way possible to get home to see his family even if it means working 12 hour days until pure exhaustion

He’s all in for being available even from a distance

He’s all in for doing things the right way and to the best of his ability whether that be a project or time spent with others.

Never have I met someone who was so selfless balanced with knowing who he is and exactly what he stands for. He may do things his way, but who says we have to do things the way others negate? Do they have the same experiences we do? Do they have to walk in our shoes? No. We are not promised tomorrow, so why not do things the way our heart prods us to as long as it is good and brings peace to our spirits?

I’m all in. Those three words get my attention every time.

This entry was posted on May 20, 2018. 3 Comments

Getting Really Close..

I am finally in the end stages of getting this book in print and out to everyone. It has been such a long time coming and I am so grateful to Fabi Preslar with Spark Publications for all of her help, encouragement and patience with me. I’m meeting with them next week to see what happens next and what the process will be for roll out!  I still have a lot to learn I am sure!

Looking for Redbirds is really a tangible representation of thoughts I’ve had over the years that I feel have been whispering to my soul. Whisperings from the One who created me, to share what may be universal truths for all of us.

Ultimately my writing is about conveying the importance of:

Listening to your inner voice

Being  connected to your intuition and your instincts

Living your life intentionally

That we all want to make our lives matter by living the truest expression of ourselves whether that means you want to be a baker, a doctor, a mom, white collar or blue collar professional, etc.  It all counts

Paying attention to what life is trying to teach us.

Everything that happens can bring us closer to our souls home

Bringing light and serving others

All of us have limited time to use what have been given

I hope that all of my writing touches someone in just the way they need at that moment and I can’t wait to see what roads this takes me down!


This entry was posted on April 5, 2018. 3 Comments