Desires

Have Faith in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart…Psalm 37:4

There have been so many unspoken desires that have been buried in my heart. So many hurts and prayers that at one time, I thought would never be answered. There was a long span of time that I figured that life was just one disappointment after another.

But then, I found my faith and for once I understood the meaning of it. It is more than all those days in Catholic school. More than all those times I stood, sat and kneeled in the pew. More than what other people pushed on me.

It wasn’t a religious thing, it was a relationship thing. A Father, when I had none. A friend when everyone else abandoned me. A confidant that could hear my heart without me opening my mouth and speaking. I could come to Him when I had nothing and no one else to reach out to. Sometimes I could feel Him and sometimes I couldn’t but I always knew He was there, somewhere in the void.

I knew He was there all the times my parents yelled and screamed at each other as I sat in my dark room. I knew he was there when my grandparents died and when I felt I couldn’t go on after my marriage fell apart.

Faith is a funny thing. It is invisible but all consuming if we allow it to be. It is healing and intense if we strive for it. It makes all things possible when everything seems impossible. Some say faith is for the weak minded, but I think it is quite the opposite.

I didn’t realize how powerful faith is until I really began to believe that things would get better. I changed the way I looked at life and the way I thought about things. I asked God to strip away everything in my life that didn’t matter and within moments He made things so clear to me.

Everything and everyone that mattered to me most were in my line of view and nothing else has mattered sense. I do not miss the shallowness of fake friends or the time that I wasted doing trivial things.

With that stripping away, came peace and focus and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. My pursuit of happiness has ended, because I already have everything I needed and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

He has given me my desires, but not until I gave myself and my selfish pride away. Once His will became my own, then amazingly, he checked off all of the desires that were unsaid in my heart and handed them to me, and with that, I humbly tear up and I say…thank you.

It’s okay if others do not believe. It is not for me to say or push, but I know what I have witnessed and it is so real for me, and that is all that matters. I had faith and He granted the desires of my heart and I can see more coming.

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