Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart
For so long I have had the same dreams and desires. Even as a child they lay dormant in my heart, just waiting for someone to come along and love me so much that they unwittingly uncovered them and gave life to my dreams.
For so long I have loved God more than anyone or anything, even when I didn’t even fully understand what He did for us or why I could feel His presence even in the darkest hours.
For so long I have desired to feel genuinely wanted and loved. For the longest time I thought I must simply be unlovable because my own parents didn’t seem to care. My mother was emotionally unavailable and my father left before I was born.
I can see now, when I look back He didn’t abandon me as I had thought. I had a childhood friend who made my days not so empty. I had grandparents who believed in me and loved me unconditionally. I had people come into and out of my life for different reasons I am sure. Perhaps they came to comfort me when needed, or to teach me valuable lessons.
For so long, I have been tired though: tired of pressing on and being the strong one, tired of carrying the load. There have been dark moments when I just wanted to give up. But somehow there always seemed to be that little flicker of light, deep within me that whispered my name and said to keep on going. It told me not to give up and that God had a plan for me, but I just couldn’t see it yet.
Lord, I feel like I am finally on the precipice of something great. Perhaps a glimpse of my desires coming to fruition. Only You Lord , knows what those are and I believe anything is possible by your hand. Perhaps I can hang on just a bit longer with confidence instead of insecurity. Confidence that if I continue to delight in You that my dreams can awaken from their burial ground and come alive as testimony to how great your love is no matter how insignificant I may feel.
So I will keep delighting in You with great anticipation to what my future holds and the love you will show me along the way….