Sometimes I realize how anxious my heart can be. I worry about my children as they get older in different ways than I did when they were little. When they were little I could control their world in most ways. I felt like I could protect them from anything.
But now, as they begin to leave the nest I find myself stopping, to breathe in & breathe out when I feel that pang of realization that they will soon be gone. Even with the stresses of raising them mostly on my own and the financial strain, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
It is a different feeling when your son or daughter begins to drive and has freedom like none before. It is a different feeling when someone breaks their hearts and there is nothing you can do. Sometimes they just want you to listen when all you want to do is go hunt the person down! Therefore, I breathe in & I breathe out.
As a parent you hope that you did things more right than wrong and that they will realize that everything you did was out of love. You hope that they will one day have mercy on you for the mistakes that you did make along the way. You hope that they will gain understanding about all the times you said no to them and made them so mad. They do not realize how many times I remained silent. I breathed in & I breathed out, choosing my battles wisely.
I hope that when I asked for forgiveness they not only saw a mom, but a person who was trying their best. I hope they see someone who was willing to admit when they were wrong. I tried to raise them the best way I knew how, having little guidance myself growing up.
So, with each passing day and with each worry, I will keep reminding myself that I am not alone. I know I have a God who watches over and guides me. As they get closer and closer to a life of their own, I will release them to be the beautiful souls that they are and when I feel that pang, I will breathe in & I will breathe out.