Archive | January 2014

Draw Close

I withdraw from the noise and the crowd
To hear your voice
Where it is not so loud

I withdraw from the endless chatter
The surface level talk
To hear and read the words that matter

I withdraw from what the world searches for and will never find
To you Lord
With your arms outstretched and your heart so kind……

Being single has its’ ups and downs. I admit that I like having my closet all to myself. I like being able to re-arrange my furniture any way I like it. I like having complete control of the remote! I like being able to come and go as I please. I am not a stranger to being alone because I spent almost my entire childhood perfecting it due to my family dynamics. I am confident in who I am without anyone. I know that I am a child of God first and foremost and therefore I know that ultimately I am not truly alone.

However, I realize that sometimes I can get swept away with being busy all of the time because between working full time and having children to take care of, there seems to be little time to really be still and reflect about where my life is going and if I am making a difference. Am I doing what I know in my heart I have been called to do or am I filling my days with noise and business. Am I spending time with people who are chasing the wrong things, or are so hard to get to know beyond surface level discussions?

I feel a sense of urgency lately, to do those things I am wired to do. Those things that bring me joy when I do them. To write, cook, paint, and spend time at the beach. Over the last several months, I have been making time to be still and hear God’s small voice within me. I believe we all have the capability to hear it if we withdraw to draw close. If we withdraw for a time, to search out our purpose without the noise and distractions, He always gives us our answers. Sometimes it’s in a song we hear, or a person who speaks to us about matters of the heart. Sometimes it’s in nature when we can just sense that He is there, even though we can’t “hear” Him. James 4: 8 says Come near to God and he will come near to you….

So, for now I withdraw to draw close. I write, I paint and I cook. I spend time with people that I love and that love me back. I rearrange my priorities and begin to look at how I can help others now instead of seeking out the help of others. I draw close so that He can bring His best to me because I am no longer seeking the wrong things.

I know, and now accept, that if it is meant to be, that I will not always be single, because no matter how good I am at it, in my heart of hearts, I love seeing a man’s clothes in the closet next to mine and the sound of football on my television. I sometimes need a man’s strong arms to move that furniture and put his arms around me from behind when I am cooking.

So today, I withdraw to be draw close……….

A Different Outlook

As I look out my window into the back yard each day, I see two plum trees that are bare from the winter. Grey and without leaves, they fit in with the rest of the landscape that lies in hibernation. 2013 was a rough year, to say the least and when I see those trees, I think to myself that spring is coming and with it, new life will begin to bloom. I wonder to myself, if my life will ever do the same.

Last year I allowed fear and worry to take hold of me. My marriage was officially over, my fence was falling apart, my truck kept breaking, the garage door worked only when it wanted to, my refrigerator broke, etc etc. Every time I thought I could get ahead something kicked me five steps back. I fell behind in my mortgage and couldn’t recover. I didn’t ask for help. I felt truly defeated for the first time in a very long time.

The woman who loved to garden, write and paint let her yard get out of hand, stopped writing her manuscript, and put her easel away, and with those things, her hope was extinguished. Losing hope is a very bad thing. Without it we will not flourish or be fruitful.

It took some hard lessons but I turned around my thinking and got a second job. I had good friends who encouraged me. I will never forget my friend Jim who said “Dori, you are letting everything overwhelm you, just take one room at a time. If something is broken in that room, work on fixing that and nothing else. Then when you accomplish that you will feel better. Then move on to the next room. You can do this!” Another friend had someone come fix my fridge, and another sent someone to fix my garage door.

The burdens were lifting, and so were my spirits. Last week I learned that the mortgage company approved a remodification of my loan and my mortgage stands current after many months of not making payments. Like the tree, my life will come to life again. I will not always be this alone and things will not look so grim. I choose to be grateful each morning even before my feet hit the floor. I say thank you Lord that I have this bed that keeps me warm at night. I say Thank you Lord for my children and our health. Thank you Lord for bringing friends into my life that shine Your light onto me. Thank you Lord for my abundance because I believe that is what I have.

So as 2014 begins, I will have a new outlook on my situation. I will plant new flowers this spring, write my book, and paint with a glass of wine in hand, and I will have Jim come over and fix something if it breaks!

This entry was posted on January 2, 2014. 2 Comments