Archive | October 2012

Broken Dreams

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Don’t we all grow up with a plan, or dreams of what we want our lives to be like?  Yet, along the way things don’t always go as planned and our dreams seem to get farther and farther out of reach.  We live each day in the monotony of the routine and somehow joy continues to elude us.

I just don’t think we were meant to live this way.  I think we were created to live a good life, and that doesn’t necessarily always mean in a monetary way.  A good life is not completely measured by how much stuff we have or what kind of car we own, even though those things can give us comfort.  How many pairs of shoes we have, now that may peak my interest!  But really it’s the heart of the matter that matters.

What are your dreams?  Are they attainable?  Have you ever stopped and really put some thought into what they are and if so, what would you do to attain them?  Are they realistic?  Would they bring good to your life and to the life of others?  What’s keeping us from following our dreams?   I can tell you what stops me: fear.   I hate that I sometimes let fear control me. Sometimes I push through the fear and I do it anyway and then I wonder to myself why I waited so long.  There is nothing to fear but fear itself right?

Maybe it is God who plants the seed of a dream within our hearts, and it is up to us to nourish the dream until it is real and alive.  So if He is the one who plants the dream within us, then maybe we should push past the fear, because if we do, we know that what He wants for us is greater than any fear we can face.  Maybe the enemy of that dream wants us to fear so that we can never accomplish what was meant for us, thus rendering us helpless and unsatisfied with our lives.  It’s just a thought…

I can tell you some broken dreams I had.  As a child I wanted a family that was whole and loved each other, but instead I was witness to some things a child should never witness.  As a teenager I wanted parents who looked after me and could give me some guidance on some things, but they were never around.  As an adult I wanted my marriage to work.  I loved my husband.  I kept a clean house and had dinner on the table each night, and I was the best mom I knew how to be, but my marriage dissolved and I was left heartbroken.  At that point I was done dreaming.  I was discouraged and thought dreaming was for fools.

But you know what?  As I got further away from those times in my life, I began to see things in a different light.  I saw that when I was young, my grandmother stepped in and took me out of that tumultuous environment whenever she could and provided a safe haven. I saw that God brought me my best friend Laurel who I’m still friends with to this day.  We have known each other for over 30 years.  It was her house that I would go to experience what a real family should look like. It was her mom that gave me guidance when I needed it.  When my marriage fell apart I learned to lean on a God who was there for me more times than I realized.  It strengthened my faith, because He was all I had.

So over time, I began to dream again.  I have little dreams and big dreams and I know that my plans may not be the ones that ultimately happen, but I try to remember that it is good to keep dreaming because it keeps the seed of hope alive in us and it allows our hearts to remain open to whatever comes our way…

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

I remember summer days as a young girl, sitting in the tall grass picking daisies and pulling the pedals off one by one.  With each pedal I would alternate the statement; “He loves me, he loves me not.”  Then the wind would come along and blow the pedals away from my reach.  Some kids had magic 8 balls.  I guess I was more basic than that.

Most girls dream of finding someone who loves them.  We dream of someone who will care for us and protect us.  Life doesn’t always go as we planned.  But I do know that there are seasons for everything.  Just as the flowers grow in the spring new and fresh, our hearts at one point were new and fresh as well.  Expectations were high and our hearts were pure.  Someone came along and crushed us.  They yanked us up by the roots and seemed to kill whatever dreams were in us.

But with each disappointment we must learn to carry on.  It’s up to us to take those disappointments and turn them into learning experiences.  We must take the seeds and replant in new fertile soil that doesn’t contain the weeds of bitterness and sorrow.  If we don’t, then the next person that comes along in our lives may be judged incorrectly, and we would miss out on an opportunity to love and be loved in a genuine way.

Maybe we should view each person that comes into our lives like a pedal on a flower.  They come into our lives for a reason, or a season.  Maybe it is to show us love just when we needed it.  Maybe they are here to teach us a lesson about something.  They either stay for a season and they are gone, or they are rooted in our lives so deeply that it wouldn’t be the same if they were gone.  They impact us, they move us, and whether it is for the good or bad, it is up to us to decipher which one that they are, and to hold on to them or to let the wind blow them away.

This brings me to a memory I have of when I was newly separated from my husband of thirteen years.  It was one of the loneliest times in my life.  My life with him was all I had known.  I struggled each day to keep myself together and to view life in a new way. I wanted to see the good things in each day, no matter how small they were. I remember praying in my car one morning as I was on my way to the coffee shop.  I wanted to know, if my husband didn’t love me, was there anyone that did?  Anyone?

As I stepped out of my car I saw something blowing across the parking lot and it blew right across the top of my foot.  I reached down and it was a picture of Jesus.  My heart was beating so fast.  I was in disbelieve and awe that the master creator of those daisies I picked so long ago, could tell me, just when I needed it, that HE indeed LOVED ME.  I keep that picture on my cork board at home as a reminder that I am not alone, and that even though life might disappoint us and we might feel lonely at times, that there is a God that truly loves us.

This entry was posted on October 18, 2012. 1 Comment